Auntie Nangy

I’ve never been to his place

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy, I’m a 23-year-old lady and the mother of one child and I have been dating a 34-year-old guy for the past two years but I’ve never been to his place. I know he loves me very much but I just don’t know what his problem is. I really don’t know what to do anymore.

Answer: 

Ask him straight out what the reason is. Maybe he is ashamed of where he lives or maybe he is living with someone that may not know about you like his parents, but whatever the reason is he should be able to tell you after being together for two years.

Desperate for happiness

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy, I am a 25-year-old lady, caught in a web of confusion. I have been seeing this guy on and off for about six months and I am really taken in by him. It’s the fi rst time after a long time that I feel this way about someone. He has been pretty distant for a month or so, he hardly calls and when we do meet up, he looks disinterested, I know this might be the end of things, but I believe in trying to make things work. We haven’t had an argument or anything that would make me think it’s over. Should I let it go or try one more time?

Answer: 

The unfair side of love is that you cannot make someone stay if they want to go and you can’t also stop your heart from longing for their love once they are gone. You say that it has been an on-and-off thing, so maybe he has come to a conclusion and wants something else. Or it could be that he just does not get time for you. But if you really want something or someone, you will make the time. No matter how hard you try to make things work, if it’s over, it’s over and there is nothing you can do except to move on – hard as it may be. You do not need to have an argument to end a relationship, dear. Sit down with him and ask him about your relationship and whether there is still anything left of it. Get real with yourself, listen to that little voice inside and move on if push comes to shove.

I’m so confused

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy, I’m a 15-year-old girl and I’m so confused. I’m in love with this guy in my class since the fi rst time I saw him and there was this spark. My friends say he also likes me but he’s trying to avoid it and I’m not sure if he does. To top it all off one of my friends likes him too. In the meantime I’m dating someone else. Do you think it’s right to be dating somebody I like while being in love with someone else and should I let my friend have him instead? Please advise me on what to do. I’m so confused.

Answer: 

So am I! Let’s see if we can untangle this web of love and deceit. Let us start with the easy one: No, it’s not cool to date someone when you are not really interested in him. Do the right thing and tell him the truth. Problem solved, next one. I don’t think it is a matter of “letting” your friend have him. I think he has a say as well and maybe he is just not interested in your friend and if this is not going to infl uence your friendship or you are willing to risk it, let’s see where we stand. You’ve done the right thing and are single and your friend is okay with the situation and your other friends are right that he likes you and the spark is real and maybe he is just shy and now Auntie has confused herself. Girl, just go for it!

I don’t always want to do it

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy, My man likes to complain when he asks for sex and I don’t want sex. If he says he wants it I must comply. Does this guy really care for me? I’m so worried.

Answer: 

Forcing someone to have sex against their will is rape, even in a relationship and if someone really cares for another person, they will not do this. Explain to your man how this makes you feel, that you don’t feel loved and safe like a strong, healthy relationship should make you feel, and if he does not want to change, then yes, he obviously does not care for you. Never ever think that anybody has the right to force you to have sex.

My friend fell in love with me

Question: 

Auntie Nangy, I’m a 22-year-old woman. One of my girl-friends (16) fell in love with me. I’ve never been so uncomfortable but she once kissed me and now we’ve been together for almost six months and I feel so different. We have never dated girls before and all of a sudden we’re dating. This girl is madly in love with me. What should I do, because I think I’m having feelings for her? Is it wrong?

Answer: 

It is not necessarily wrong to have same-sex relationships in this world of ours today, but there are still people who think it is wrong and are totally against it. Some Christians see it as against God’s law. I do not want to encourage you, but it is also not against the law and it is your personal decision. This is not an easy journey you have embarked on as this could offend your parents or even the community, depending on how religious they are. Should you want to make it public, you must be prepared to receive people’s scorn and stares from time to time.

I’m in love with my brother-in-law

Question: 

Auntie Nangy, I’m in love with my brother-in-law. I’m 16 and he’s 18. We are actually not dating but I love him very much. Every time we meet we share intimate kisses and cuddles. We always sneak away to go and do our stuff (we don’t have sex). He says he says he can’t get enough of me. But I don’t think it’s right. What should I do?

Answer: 

Dear, if you are uncomfortable with the situation then you should stop. Your good sense of right and wrong is trying to tell you something and I think that you should listen to your inner voice.Legally there is nothing wrong with what you’re doing but such a situation can cause a lot of unnecessary problems in the family. Sometimes it’s better to listen to what your brain tells you and not what your heart says. Take care, angel.

I can’t kiss

Question: 

Auntie Nangy, I am 20 years old and I have a boyfriend. I love him so much and he loves me. My problem is that I can’t kiss and it’s really hurting me. I really need your help.

Answer: 

Dear, ask your guy to teach you. He will feel so good about himself and the fact that HE is the one who can teach you that it will be a massive ego-boost for him, and trust me when I say that you will enjoy the experience as well. Go, girl, and make sure that you get a lot of practice!

I am obsessed

Question: 

Auntie Nangy, I’m 18 years old and I think I’m obsessed with every girl I go out with, especially when I don’t get what I want. I feel bad about it because it’s building up inside of me, please help me.

Answer: 

Obsessive possessiveness is a psychological disorder that stems from low self-esteem and could be caused by things that happened in your past. The fact that you recognise this problem is a big step forward in dealing with it. You must try to pinpoint the reason why you have such low self-esteem and positively reinforce and change your thought patterns to help you adjust to a life that makes you feel happy and comfortable with yourself. I know that this is a very diffi cult process and will take a lot of self examination and pain to face up to the honesty that you have to employ to recognise and deal with these deep felt issues. As with any psychological disorders it is extremely diffi cult to deal with it on your own and it is a good idea to get professional help.

Can the doctor know?

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy I’m really desperate and I’m waiting for an answer. Can a doctor fi nd out if a woman has not had sex for two to four years?

Answer: 

Only if you tell the doctor, but defi nitely not by examining your vagina. Your vagina cannot grow closed because you didn’t have sex and it cannot get bigger because you had sex, it pretty much stays the same size and shape it used to be. Only childbirth can affect the size and shape of your vagina

No sex in three years

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy, I have a problem, for three years now my husband has not had sex with me. When I ask him what the problem is he says “don’t ask me, I don’t know”. What can I do now?

Answer: 

Sex is something that is very important to a man’s image of himself as men tend to see their manliness in terms of their virility and if he has a problem with his virility the rest of his masculinity is also affected. This is why it is so diffi cult for men to talk about it and they would rather just ignore the problem. You need to let him know that you love him and that it is because of your love that you want the physical part of your marriage to work as well. There is medicine available that can help a man regain his virility and as a lot of men have the same problem it is nothing to be ashamed about. He must see a doctor but it will be up to you to make him understand that this problem does not defi ne him as a man and that you want the whole of him out of love.

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